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Showing posts from October, 2018

Love Yourself By Hating Others

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Not long ago I had it all. Career success, money and a boyfriend who was easy to manipulate because he was less attractive than me. Life was good, but I was lonely at the top. I had no friends, and typically this wouldn't have bothered me but social media was becoming intrinsic to business, and I needed to look popular to elevate my brand. Less talented people than me were further ahead than me because they were really good at being fake and I figured if those embarrassments can ingratiate themselves to industry gatekeepers so can I. So I took action and decided to become a social climber.

I first saw Sheryl when she was on stage performing stand up, and I was immediately gripped with jealousy. I didn't laugh at any of her jokes because she wasn't funny but also because I was distracted by the fact that she was new in town and was on a show that I’d been trying to get booked on for nine years. It was hate at first sight. But she glowed with ambition, and I knew that she wa…

Acting Classes Are Scams

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Ninety-eight percent of acting classes are pyramid schemes, and the other two percent are cults. I have an eye for terrible acting classes because, unfortunately, I've taken a lot. Every acting class makes me feel like I'm getting punked on a hidden camera show. One time a teacher made me play the game fight, flight or fuck with another girl. This stranger and I squared off against each other and I then I full on beat the shit out of her. Another time, I took a Saturday morning improv class, and my teacher showed up hungover every time. He could never remember what we were working on so the day always devolved into a clap focus game with him on the sidelines eating McDonald's breakfast sandwiches. I can spot scam artist teachers when I see one and my new acting teacher is exhibit A.

I recently enrolled in another acting studio because there is no place to practice acting outside of paid gigs. My teacher is a forty-eight-year-old man who gloats about living in LA for twent…