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Showing posts from October, 2018

The Struggle is Real because the Cognitive Dissonance is Deep

For me, sometimes it’s a breaking news story that twists heroes into villains, or a tweet that casts a spell on me: Think differently, it prods, what’s right is wrong, what’s wrong is right, change your mind, think like us. It's confusing, lots of mixed messages and peer pressure. I don’t know what to think anymore, but maybe I never did, and I'm just noticing now, with the internet and all.

I live in the golden age of feminism and the boom years of the Instagram model. #Metoo is torpedoing men’s battleships while fat asses online make millions; it's an era where the only cries louder than women's call to arms are our thirst traps. Platitudes about women demanding more for ourselves sit neatly in the checkerboard of my Instagram homepage beside cleavage selfies and candid glamor shots. All of it culminates into a digital quilt reminding me that I can change the world as long as I aspire to be strongest, sexiest me I can be. I'd like to destroy the patriarchy, but t…

A Female Comedian's Hypocrisy

I have landed on some epiphanies that, in light of recent events, I feel compelled to share with you. For two years I’ve been a stand-up comedian working the road in middle America. I’m not exactly sure how I got here. And I mean literally here, I don’t know how I got where I’m sitting right now. I’m writing this in a coffee shop in Grand Haven, Michigan, which means I’m geographically closer to my hometown in Canada than I am to where I currently live with my comedian husband in, Nashville TN. This is typical of my life now. I spend my time traipsing from state to state doing comedy. I’m home for a few days every week and then hit the pavement again, off to entertain another room of strangers, picking up paychecks and stage time wherever I can, from whoever will hire me. I’m all over the place, but right now, I’m just enjoying an overpriced pour over coffee reflecting, yet again, on being a woman in comedy.

I’m not complaining, at least right now I’m not complaining because I had goo…

Love Yourself By Hating Others

Not long ago I had it all. Career success, money and a boyfriend who was easy to manipulate because he was less attractive than me. Life was good, but I was lonely at the top. I had no friends, and typically this wouldn't have bothered me but social media was becoming intrinsic to business, and I needed to look popular to elevate my brand. Less talented people than me were further ahead than me because they were really good at being fake and I figured if those embarrassments can ingratiate themselves to industry gatekeepers so can I. So I took action and decided to become a social climber.

I first saw Sheryl when she was on stage performing stand up, and I was immediately gripped with jealousy. I didn't laugh at any of her jokes because she wasn't funny but also because I was distracted by the fact that she was new in town and was on a show that I’d been trying to get booked on for nine years. It was hate at first sight. But she glowed with ambition, and I knew that she wa…

Acting Classes Are Scams

Ninety-eight percent of acting classes are pyramid schemes, and the other two percent are cults. I have an eye for terrible acting classes because, unfortunately, I've taken a lot. Every acting class makes me feel like I'm getting punked on a hidden camera show. One time a teacher made me play the game fight, flight or fuck with another girl. This stranger and I squared off against each other and I then I full on beat the shit out of her. Another time, I took a Saturday morning improv class, and my teacher showed up hungover every time. He could never remember what we were working on so the day always devolved into a clap focus game with him on the sidelines eating McDonald's breakfast sandwiches. I can spot scam artist teachers when I see one and my new acting teacher is exhibit A.

I recently enrolled in another acting studio because there is no place to practice acting outside of paid gigs. My teacher is a forty-eight-year-old man who gloats about living in LA for twent…